Coaches on the Edge are Taking Over. Get ready for the New World Order.

elizabeth: I am tired with how the world is being run. I think most of the people in charge of this planet are working at a disadvantage… thinking with their butts only. Everybody seems to be mean-spirited and self-indulgent and I have had it. As of today, I am taking over. Laurie, how about heading up the Department of Zingers (that you think elizabeth does not notice but does and is keeping track of all of mean people suck them)? That might work out nicely. Ouch. I can tell from the sharp pain in my side that it might not be the exact title you desire – so we could be co- presidents of the world. All this togetherness.

Laurie: Queen Zingerina says “Many think with their genitalia. I’m not sure which is preferable – butt or sexual apparatus – but the results are similar. Can you say STUPID?”

elizabeth: Rule #1 – No more racial or homophobic talk and thoughts. You got issues with some of the people living here, well as of today, you don’t anymore. Hawaii might be trying to ban the “Laxative” fish but I will have your tired asses over for a heaping plate of it if I catch any disparaging words being said. So that ManCrunch.com ad about the gay dating website will run on the Super Bowl. For free. Pass the tartar sauce.

Laurie: Rule #2 – Making money off of people who are sick will be outlawed. When did betting on the life span of a cancer patient become big business? Whenever, it will stop immediately. Radical as it may seem, all human beings will be able to take advantage of the sophisticated health system that exists in our country today. And hold on to your hat – medications will be free! How many insurance company executives just had a coronary? Hope they had the “good” health insurance.

elizabeth: Rule #3 – No more wars. As of today, we are living in harmony. Guns will be melted down to become some groovy wall hangings. And all that nuclear power will be used for powering our gas-free cars. I no longer have to worry about what you give a car that has gas. Bad jokes will be outlawed also. Just feel lucky that we won’t be able to shoot to kill people who dare to pun.

Laurie: Rule #4 – Airlines will stop charging for everything that can be put on a plane. Pillows, blankets, peanuts, movies, seats, bathroom tissue, oxygen for regular breathing are no longer red-ticket items. This means we can stop cramming two full-size suitcases’ worth of clothing into a constantly diminishing allowable carryon. And forget the damn quart-size baggie! I spend more time packing that little bugger than I do my suitcase.

elizabeth: Rule 5 – Birth control will be outlawed. No, I have not lost my pro-choice beliefs, but from now on babies will show up when they are good and ready. No more accidents, no more abortions, no more killing doctors who performed them, no more children being abandoned or left to die. I am thinking of adding a clause to this. If any child feels at any time that they are not being treated with love and respect, then they can move to a home that will just adore them. And the offending parties will have to go to bed without dinner for a month. See how you like being mistreated.

Laurie: Rule #6 – If you are outlawing birth control, then I am going to insist on baby-free zones. Actually images the babies can come; it’s the parents who have a tendency to drive me crazy. Asking a three-month child “What’s wrong?” every five minutes doesn’t make a lick of sense. And asking him/her in baby talk is worthy of jail time.

elizabeth: Rule 7 –The words gorgeous and delicious will be removed from all dictionaries. A jacket is not delicious and a seven-layer cake with chocolate mousse and fresh whipped cream is not gorgeous. Maybe in your world it was, but you are living in mine now. I am starting to get dizzy with all this power.

Laurie: Rule #8 – Politicians will stop making laws to tell us how to eat. Do I really need to know the calorie count of a Big Mac? If I skulk into Dunkin Donuts, do I have to be reminded that the chocolate cake donut has 19 grams of fat? I think not. Nor do I want my Governor to tax my full-sugar soda and my Mayor to deliver my sodium content on a daily basis. All of these nutritional details are completely ruining the meaning of comfort food.

elizabeth: Rule #9 – Paris, London, Cairo, Beirut, Tokyo, Moscow, Liverpool, Madrid, Jerusalem, Hanoi, Stockholm. Prague, Milan. Venice, Florence (can’t help it- I am half Italian) will be relocated to five miles outside of New York City. I don’t like getting swollen legs when I travel so I can be in London is15 minutes and then to Milan in another 10. In order words, Europe, Africa, British Isles, the Middle East and Asia will be moving a little closer. Who needs all that water to separate us? We have been separated for long enough. Welcome to the neighborhood. Don’t worry we’ll get the rest of the world over to our side. I’ll give Laurie that job. I got to sleep.

Laurie: Rule #10 – Laurie will not have to follow through on elizabeth’s wild-ass ideas.

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.
Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Branching Out Life Coaching