Coaches on the Edge are not Forgiving or Forgetting. Not this Time.
elizabeth: There are those people who are easy to hate and deserve our fury. Hitler, Idi Amin, Charles Manson and his buddy Ted Bundy 
and my third grade teacher Mrs. Kaplan who tried to leave me back a grade. You get what I am saying – people who hurt a few to a few million to a young girl who was so full of fear of being called a dummy by her classmates and the general public. Hate… that when you say it, it almost becomes three dimensional and the smoke that rises from it sometimes blinds us. And sometimes it gives us 20/20.
Laurie: Good golly, Miss Molly. Did our brains somehow get swapped? Three dimensional smoke – even I’m starting to get nervous.
elizabeth: I was working with my therapist Stephen in the 1990s, and we were dealing with issues of abuse. I was trying to get past the hate I had described to him…molten hot hate pouring all over my senses and leaving me looking and feeling like a murder victim in the morgue on an episode of NCIS. One day Stephen simply said, “You can forgive. But you don’t have to forget.” Those nine words lifted the chains that held me hostage for years. I can forgive, but as God as my witness, I will never forget. So that person was off the hook but put on notice.
I was cool with that. Until recently.
Laurie: “As God is my witness?” You sound like Scarlett in Gone With The Wind. Temperature’s rising. Molten hot hate. Somehow that doesn’t quite sound like Forgiveness has been totally reached. I like the concept, but what’s the purpose of remembering if you can’t react to what you remember? I would think you either forgive it or forget it. I personally have a huge storage bank of people/things/events I had to be wary of because of previous experience. Store ‘em away and hope you remember the lesson when you have to. Or visualize pouring molten hot hate all over…hey, this stuff is catching!
elizabeth: Recently someone set me off again and pushed all my buttons, and I cannot and will not let it go. This person’s actions were so beneath contempt and I had to witness it over and over again. This person did not pick up a weapon, did not say a word. but because of a very misguided and transparent ego (translation – this person is a total waste of space), this person betrayed someone who was in need of a friend. Or a little comfort. And I was put under a gag order. And because I respect and love this person who was wronged over and over, I kept silent. So here I am filled with so much rage that I don’t know what to do. It is almost too bad that I can’t remove my head and let all the anger out to the universe (then you will all believe in global warming) and then maybe I would feel better.
Not happening. No, the only liberating thing is that I don’t have to forgive. I don’t have to forget. I just have to get past this. And kick this fool’s ass down Fifth Avenue during the Easter parade. Then my hate just might dissipate a little. But not enough to let me forgive.
And I am cool with that. For now.
Laurie: I know from whence you come (I start talking formally when I’m nervous). I have a few people in my life that beg to be hated. I’m not sure if it’s some kind of whacked out test – like “let’s see just how much she will take before she explodes” – or the poor person is just such a loser that they can’t help being loathsome. Whatever, they are dangerous and I don’t want them in my life sapping up my energy. So I imagine myself erasing them with a great big eraser. Limb by limb until I reach their misguided head and then poof! All gone. Is that working for you, girlfriend?
elizabeth: Pass the hot molten hate, please
2010, Coaches on the Edge ™
If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.
Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Branching Out Life Coaching
No related posts.
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
Share this Post[?]
