Coaches on the Edge Say Never Say Never.
Laurie: Never say never. I sat on a wooden porch somewhere in Baroda, India, and watched a peacock stroll by with full plumage unfurled. A couple of “saints-in-training” clad in orange togas were sitting in the trees to provide spiritual support. We were on a guru’s 
ayurvedic farm during monsoon season, and I had plenty of time to contemplate what the heck I was doing there.
elizabeth: I never traveled that far in my life for love. It probably would have upset me during the rainy season since soft, slippery mini-mudslides would have been murder on my open-toe shoes. Monday through Friday, we were just steps away from each other. On the weekends, my zip code was 10128 and his was 10011. When I first met him, he explained that he viewed life as a glass half full. I looked to see if his mother ship was parked outside and said,” I never even got the damn glass.” Never say never.
Laurie: Was it really only three years earlier when I had my future secured and was positive that I would never marry again? Date profusely, absolutely! But form a commitment bond with someone of the opposite sex, I don’t think so. I had learned at an early age that men weren’t dependable. First of all, they die. My father had his final heart attack when I was 10, and three years later my first step-father (in a series of progressively worse substitute daddies) followed him. And if they actually live, men can often be disappointing. So I had dating several guys simultaneously down magnificently to the awe and admiration of my friends. And often with three or four, you could combine the good qualities and come up with a perfect partner.
elizabeth: My book, “Zen and the Fine Art of Spitting out Men,” supplied relationship tips that became my modus operandi of the day, week, and year in the 1980s. I turned leaving without sufficient warning into an art form. Okay, I never wrote the book. I was too busy closing doors and playing the martyr. Brilliantly, I might add.
And then he walked in and sat down.
Laurie: And then my back went out. I believe I sneezed or attempted to put on a pair of pantyhose, or something equally ridiculously non-strenuous. I had been going to a chiropractor for a literal pain in my ass for quite a while. Just the night before he had resigned himself to the fact that he couldn’t help me any more and referred me to an acupuncturist. The next day I couldn’t move. I was told to find a position that didn’t hurt and stay there. That position was on my stomach on the floor. And there I stayed for three months. Physical therapists came and went, friends brought in food, and one lovely guy (that I already knew was my soul mate) stepped up to the bat and took care of me. That not-so-easy job included dragging me to the bathroom, shaving my legs (not as sexy as it sounds), securing cabs to get me to doctors’ offices, and ultimately calling in my mother for reinforcements. And I watched him in amazement musing that I could never do what he was doing for another human being. Successful back surgery and a first-time- ever feeling of trust emerged, and I married him.
elizabeth: I have never felt so raw to the touch, so exposed than when I was with him. Now before you go there, let me come clean. We both enjoyed dating men. Okay, I liked to leave them crying for their mothers. But how liberating it felt to know that I could never, ever do something dastardly to my soul mate –leaving the top off the toothpaste, scattering socks all over the floor, or calling his mother a four letter word were never our reality. He was an actor/ marketing manager who convinced me that I was more than enough. God, I was beautiful. In his eyes. I learned to take off my armor. He told me it made my ass look big. Whatever works, I always say.
Laurie: And now here I was in India, surrounded by nuns who thought I was a little crazy but cool and saints who were not allowed to speak to me just because I was a female. My husband’s family had their own guru, and he kept telling us my husband would be “fine” despite the fact that he had been diagnosed with a terminal illness. The doctor visited every day on a tractor because that was the only way to navigate the muddy roads, and my husband was amazed that I didn’t know how to put together two live wires to create electricity. Kids gathered in the front yard every morning. When I asked my husband why they were there, he said they wanted to see what I was wearing. And they had never seen a woman smoke. Our manservant (can ya stand it?) brought us our meals and found opportunities to touch me whenever possible. Obviously he was going to have a difficult time becoming a saint. No phone, a television that broadcast only in Hindi (except a 45-minute reprieve of Oprah – she’s everywhere for sure!), and no air conditioning – Motel 6 would have been a pure luxury. Monkeys, scorpions and elephants walking down the middle of the muddy road were commonplace sights. I couldn’t even begin to say never to these circumstances because they weren’t a part of my reality or even my imagination.
elizabeth: He left 10011 to find peace living in 85718. I visited a few times after my car accident. Even if you don’t marry them, you can still break their hearts. Someone called him to say I nearly died. I felt so bad about making him cry. One of the reasons I had to survive was to never make him cry again. He was not as well as he used to be. Now even after all these years, I feel his presence and get so angry with God. He said, no, he promised me that he would always remind me that I was beautiful. Even if I was walking around in sensible shoes.
Laurie: My husband eventually passed on. I consider our brief marriage my walk with God. And yes, I’m angry that it was so short but the lessons remain. In a poor country with a rich heart, I learned that an American woman brought a new perspective of the United States. Wherever I went, I heard “Can you believe she’s American?” What they were really witnessing was a wife taking care of a husband whom she dearly loved, a wife who was positive she would never be able to reciprocate his caretaking abilities. There is no such word as never, unless you’re using it to say “you never know what you’ll be able to do.”
elizabeth: Some days I just watch the water from the faucet overflow into my glass. I never believed that the gift of knowing him would 
cause my cup to runneth over. Never say never.
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