Laurie: Recently the news was briefly filled with the story of a Russian orphan boy who was plopped on a plane back to Russia with a  heart-filled note from his almost-adoptive mother saying she had changed her mind.  I already question the policy of buying kids from other countries, but for purposes of this blog, let’s pretend I agree with this practice.  Do kids come with a warranty?  Wow, I know several parents who will be shocked to learn that.  And pissed, because after years of struggles, confrontations, and disappointments, their child’s warranty has probably passed its expiration date.

elizabeth: This is not the first time I have heard about children being “returned” because they were sort of “sold” without a “buyer beware clause.” Basically, they were adopted by parents who were looking to love a child, but what they got was someone who was so badly damaged to the point of threatening the life of the adopted family. What do you do? Keep your fingers crossed that you don’t wake up surrounded by flames, or that your family pet does not end up swinging from a tree with its innards hanging out of it? Whether you adopt or bring into the world a child, they can come with a list of problems that the average person cannot handle.  We, as a society, are so fast to label this mother as a bad mother. So tell me, how many have signed up to adopt this little boy here in the states?  I will say that sending him back without a proper chaperone was a horrendous and thoughtless decision on her part. But at least she did not kill him. One story that haunts me to this day was about a 2 year old pleading for Daddy to stop hurting him as Daddy smashed his head against the toilet bowl – killing the little boy. Now if you want to go after parents who are monsters – let’s go get them.  So many people want to judge without benefit of the full story or trying to put themselves in her shoes.  I cannot and will not condemn her.

Laurie: Do we really get to quit when the tough times come?  Already we’re in a culture where we don’t have to feel anything.  Feeling sad?  Take a pill.  Overweight?  Have an operation.  Don’t like your looks?   Let me introduce you to my plastic surgeon.  Can’t have a kid?  Buy one.  Suddenly we have become a nation of wimps.  We take the easy way out and we whine while we’re doing it.  We are super-sensitive; thus, the ridiculously over-cautious politically correct language we strive to use.  What happened to “Sticks and stones will hurt my bones but words will never hurt me?”  Whiny wimps.  And yes, Mother of the Year, you have to keep the kid you bought.  There are no guarantees in life unless you count the surety that self-centered people will always manage to surprise us with their selfishness and shallowness.  That’s a sure thing.

elizabeth: I think people looking for a quick fix and a mother at her wits’ end are two different stories. Just like the mother and this little Russian boy – how are they are related? Close friends adopted a little boy from Russia about 20 years ago and he is a wonderful, young man. Did he come with some problems as a result of being in an orphanage? Yes. But they were problems that most kids in situations like that come with? Yes. Did he threaten to kill them? No. Did he make our lives better by having him in ours? Most definitely. But if my friend came to me and said he was making good on threats to harm her or his older sister – giving him up to protect the family might have been a very painful but necessary decision.

© 2010, Coaches on the Edge ™

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.

Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Branching Out Life Coaching