I am anxious to see what will be gracing my bookshelves in 2012. Yes, I have to say that there wasn’t a kindle of any version under my tree this year. In fact, I didn’t ask for one.  I know, I know.  My people just got used to using electricity and driving cars and now they want us to give up books.  I just can’t. My therapist says it is because I am afraid of change. Hey, I got a Smartphone and still can’t get my emails, so leave me alone. The guy at the store said to play with it. So I put a curly wig on it and I call it Cindy, my special friend.

Where was I?

Yes, in 2012, there will be a glut of new books coming out to either numb our brains or tickle them a little so we can handle heavy equipment in the form of a book with a cover, pages, an airbrushed headshot and a spine. Where’s the spine on a Kindle?

So since I have a lot of free time on my hands because the economy has forsaken me, I thought I would talk about some books I doubt you will be reading in 2012. 

 

1)      I am an honest politician by….  What happens when you find a truthful, no-cheating on his wife, no deep pockets to hold the taxpayers ‘money, no bad dye job kind of man who wants to run for office? You don’t find one, you silly rabbit. The premise of this book is about why a woman should be president. They all know that shoveling money into their pockets will make their hips look wide, so they would never ever do that. And their hairdressers would become vice president because we all know they are good at keeping quiet for a 20% tip. And on a personal note, Javier Bardem could be my secretary of me, being in a very good state of mind.

 2)      Kourtney, Kim and Khloe Kardashian: If their Spanx could talk. This is the follow up to this Klan’s first book called…I just can’t name it. You might innocently walk into your local bookstore, fall over the display where their books are stacked and then buy them all out of guilt because the bookstore owner developed chest pains. But I will say this –  Hey girlfriends, Cassidy is spelt with a C and not a K. Don’t make my ancestors flip over in their graves. They weren’t all that nice when they were alive.

3)      Other uses for an ex-husband/ex-wife. I asked for suggestions and not one person could come up with anything useful although a cannon ball was suggested.

4)      I can help myself. Thank you very much. Is this the end of self help books? I sincerely think not, but in my house I need to bid a sweet adieu. I lost one of my cats, my last pack of cigarettes (withdrawal might be fun for others), my favorite book of break up lines, the secret to Burger King’s special sauce, and my dignity because my house looks like a lost episode of A&E’s Hoarders due to piles and piles of books. So from now on, I will solve my own problems. But if you need help dealing with everything from narcissism to narcolepsy, do I have a book for you.

5)      Robert Redford: The Biography. My bad. This book came out last May, but I still think it warrants being mentioned here. When no one is home, I sometimes propped the book (cover side up) on a pillow on my bed and I sit and chat with Bob for hours. He is quite the conversationalist. You don’t even have to open the book. Less chance of suffering from a nasty paper cut.

6)      My book by me. How can I write my book if I am spending all my time at Facebook Anonymous meetings?

 


 

©2012 My Views from the Edge

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