So Thanksgiving has passed (lost 1.5 lbs.)and now the world will be all aglow in red, green, white, blue (I see blue lights and think of Elvis and that Blue Christmas song and I feel an attack of acid reflux making its way up my throat), yellow, purple (purple?) and now they have that color that looks like a bluish white. I look at houses and trees wrapped in strings of that color and I think I slapped Vaseline into my eyes. I feel like I have 20/100 vision – it just takes the edge off everything. If I want to feel that way, I’ll have three glasses of Merlot. It just isn’t making me full of good tidings when I see it. Let’s stick with the good old standbys. Are you with me, Ellen?

You know, I am not conventional at all, but when it comes to Christmas, I am a tad old fashioned in my thinking.

I don’t want to see Santa with dark eyebrows (bleach them Santa, baby) nor will Santa in shorts do. When I lived in SF and saw some hairy legs attached to a Santa hat, I knew in an instant that I must move back east. Are you with me, Ellen?

I don’t really care for Christmas songs with a rap flavor. The only (w)rap that will do for me is the (w)rap that keeps me from peaking into my gifts. Have Yourself A Wicked Hip-Hop Christmas. I think these young men just made the naughty list. Give me Johnny Mathis singing, Oh Holy Night. I am not religious, but that song always gets to me thinking about Christmases past. Before rap got on the radio and made me feel like I was picking up a Scrooge attitude.  Are you with me, Ellen?

I think every home should have a kid dreaming of eight tiny reindeers landing on the roof. We could empty the orphanages, juvenile halls, take kids away from war zones and poverty and feed their empty little bellies and make their eyes dance with delight when they see that all the presents are for them. I think that is what the holidays should be about. Are you with me, Ellen?

And while I am so full of (it) the holiday spirit, I would like to have a few gifts under the tree – just for me. I can only do this “nice” thing for so long. Are you with me, Ellen?

Let’s make sure our gay teens know that they are loved and accepted for being the gifted and beautiful people they are. Let’s end bullying.

The Trevor Project is the leading national organization focused on crisis and suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ youth. The Trevor Lifeline: 866.4.U.TREVOR

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

© 2010, Coach on the Edge ™

elizabeth’s Creativity Coach site is: Coaching for the Creative Soul

Follow elizabeth on Twitter at: EdgyCoach or elizabethcoach

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So there I was. Minding my own business while surfing the net and there was a news story about some audience guy dancing up a storm on Ellen’s show. He was so amazing that Ellen put his dancing up on her site. Okay, he was impressive and he gave me an idea. He got on the show by having a ticket to Ellen’s show, but they are probably really hard to come by. So I need your assistance in getting on Ellen’s show so I can show off my dance moves. With Ellen.

Coach on the Edge to Dance on Ellen’s Show Fundraiser.

Private lessons with a Dancing with the Stars’ Maksim Chmerkovskiy. And if we have time after designing my outfit for Ellen’s show, we’ll dance a bit.

Round Trip (business class will suffice) tickets from NY to LA.  No extra charge for check-in luggage. I will be carting all my jewelry out there since I don’t know what goes with sequins, tulle, Lycra and near nudity.

Teeth whitening. I want to blind Ellen and her audience of three billion with my dancing genes. If that doesn’t work, I will distract them all with my incisors.

Voice Lessons. I am from New York. What are you looking at?

Communications Coach. Wait a sec. I can communicate with my voice, with my body (Hello fellas), with my arched eyebrow, with my facial expressions (which my mother always said could leave a trail of death and destruction if someone crossed me.) I think I got communication down. I do talk with my hands so I can multi task while dancing with Ellen. I could paint her set a nice robin egg blue. When pigs fly.

A Dresser. A nice six-drawer with mirror from Bloomingdale’s will do just fine. What a great perk although maybe Ellen could buy me a car. Oh, this is someone who would dress me? I will see if Javier Bardem is available.

Transportation while in LA. As long as Charlie Sheen is not behind the wheel, I will ride shotgun, scream my bloody lungs out while braking inconspicuously. They don’t know how to drive out there. I know. Like New Yorkers are much better. Refer back to # 4.

Ticket to Ellen’s Show. My hope is that they will throw me a freebie.

As you can see, all these things to get me on Ellen’s show costs money. I am creativity coach so that means I never deal with money since I haven’t any.

So with your help and your dollars, I can turn my “too bad she still mixes her meds incorrectly” dream into a reality.

Please start sending cash today.  If you send me a barrel of dough, I will personally thank you by name on Ellen’s show. I am going for being the only guest that day so I will make sure I mention that your mother yodels in her house dress. Might end up being on Ellen’s show. But Javier will not be dressing her.

Let’s make sure our gay teens know that they are loved and accepted for being the gifted and beautiful people they are. Let’s end bullying.

The Trevor Project is the leading national organization focused on crisis and suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ youth. The Trevor Lifeline: 866.4.U.TREVOR

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

© 2010, Coach on the Edge ™

elizabeth’s Creativity Coach site is: Coaching for the Creative Soul

Follow elizabeth on Twitter at: EdgyCoach or elizabethcoach

Please visit: My Views From The Edge

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BTW it’s Ellen’s show that I will be dancing on. I don’t have a show – negotiations broke off about a week ago. In my mind. I can’t believe I stormed out of the room like that.

Back on Planet Earth – I want to let Ellen know that I am not just a dancer, but an actress, who is able to stretch and take on roles that a weaker woman would run from.

Back when fire was just discovered, I played Mr. Sun in a play put on by South Grove Elementary School. That they let me out of the principal’s office long enough to learn my lines was short of a miracle. Ah, but here is the rub – I played Mr. Sun in a bright yellow dress.  My one line, “I tried and tried, but I can’t come out today,” stayed with the audience for years.  I was asked to study under the direction of Lee Strasberg.  I still have the letter.  Tucked away in the recessives of my mind.

So Ellen, if you want to have a dancer on who has spent time training with the likes of Pacino (before he started to dye his hair) or Nicolson (before he took on stupid ass roles for the big bucks- not that that’s bad thing) then please don’t hesitate to call.  Between you and me – we just might get Pacino to go grey and maybe we can find a role for Nicolson. I hear South Grove is doing a revival of “Mr. Sun. The Misunderstood Star.” Just like me.

Let’s make sure our gay teens know that they are loved and accepted for being the gifted and beautiful people they are. Let’s end bullying.

The Trevor Project is the leading national organization focused on crisis and suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ youth. The Trevor Lifeline: 866.4.U.TREVOR

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

© 2010, Coach on the Edge ™

elizabeth’s Creativity Coach site is: Coaching for the Creative Soul

Follow elizabeth on Twitter at: EdgyCoach or elizabethcoach

Please visit: My Views From The Edge

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I was thrilled to see the thirty-three Chilean miners being freed from their tomb of 69 days.

69 days without HBO or Lindsay Lohan. These guys are my heroes.

I would love to see the expression on the face of the one miner who mistress was waiting to greet him. I am not thinking a warm hug is in order for that guy from his wife. Maybe he can get back into the rescue capsule that freed him and travel down 2041 feet to his new safe house.  It might be safer.

So while everyone will be trying to book the miners onto their show, I would make my case about getting on the Ellen show.

1) I have showered 65 out of the last 69 days. The other 5 days got away from me.

2)  I would have been able to get into the rescued capsule if I was provided with a case of Vaseline oil.

3)  I would never work in such a dangerous profession. As a creativity coach and writer, I know what it is like to not receive hazardous pay. I know what it is like to receive no pay.

4) Out of ideas.

So, Ellen, how about having me on the show? I am a pretty good dancer and I never go underground.  Well, there was that time in college, but we were protesting something that had the name Bush attached to it.

Let’s make sure our gay teens know that they are loved and accepted for being the gifted and beautiful people they are. Let’s end bullying.

The Trevor Project is the leading national organization focused on crisis and suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ youth. The Trevor Lifeline: 866.4.U.TREVOR

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

© 2010, Coach on the Edge ™

elizabeth’s Creativity Coach site is: Coaching for the Creative Soul

Follow elizabeth on Twitter at: EdgyCoach or elizabethcoach

Please visit: My Views From The Edge

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I have to say that I have not been practicing my dance steps this week, but did I think Ellen’s people would be contacting me yet? Just call me psychic, but I did get a dance DVD to practice with. I might feel a little weird dancing with myself, but in the words of Billy Idol (not to be mistaken for Billy Joel, or Billy Crystal who are older and brunettes):

When there’s no-one else in sight
In the crowded lonely night
Well I wait so long
For my love vibration
And I’m dancing with myself

Now I don’t think of Ellen as my love vibration and if I call the Husband that he might take away my bong. I hear Portia DeGeneres has got a nasty right hook, so maybe I will spike my hair like Billy’s, put on all of my hardware, curl up my upper lip and scare the hell out of my cats with my interpretive dance to Eyes Without A Face.

Who said it would be easy getting on Ellen’s show while reciting Billy Idol?  What would Shakespeare do?

Ellen – please call. I don’t want Billy Idol putting out a restating order against me.

Is it just me or do they look like long lost relatives? Ellen just forgot five pounds of  hair gel when this photo was taken.

© 2010, Coach on the Edge ™

elizabeth’s Creativity Coach site is: Coaching for the Creative Soul

Follow elizabeth on Twitter at: EdgyCoach or elizabethcoach

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