COACHES ON THE EDGE

Coaches on the Edge are Wearing Out Warnings.

Coaches on the Edge — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:45:56 +0000

Laurie: My most expensive-to-date jeans came with a written warning. Do they lift my butt? You bet. Do they tuck in my tummy? Yep. Can I breathe? Yes. Notice my priorities here – butt, tummy, oxygen. So what was the warning? The brand (I’m not advertising free for them after the price I paid) “cannot be held responsible for any positive consequence that may arise due to your fabulous appearance when wearing our jeans.” Cute and it worked. And it got me thinking that more clothes should come with warnings.

elizabeth: I am boycotting this blog until you tell me what these jeans are. Jeans that can change the world? I’d like to see Glen Beck in them. Maybe it would improve his fat ass attitude.

Laurie: How about “Warning: Do not attempt to wear this garment unless you possess a full-length mirror.” Or “Warning: These shoes are going to make your legs look fabulous; just don’t try to walk in them.” And “Warning: You may look great from the front. Please have consideration of those viewing you from the back.” Or “Warning: This same dress did wonders for Halle Berry’s figure. Please remember you are not her.”

But then on second thought, these warnings may hamper one of my favorite summertime activities – Watching the Outdoor Freak Show Costumes Go By.

elizabeth: I will admit that I have put on a few pounds. But I sit here at the computer trying to be clever and brilliant, trying to be the best coach I can be and yet I was totally oblivious for months to the fact that parts of my body need a little more attention. So I am waiting full a line of clothing to be made entirely of Spanx. I just need a little Spanx to get me through the tough months. But, if their tagline goes something like this, “your butt is responsible for global warming,” I think I just might go to seed instead.

If you think people dressing differently is a freak show than maybe a little town down, I don’t know….down south with a population of 156 including their hound dogs might work better for you. Viva the imagination of the people of New York!

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.

Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Coaching for the Creative Soul

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Coaches on the Edge to be on the Cover of O Magazine. Week 35.

Coaches on the Edge — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 08:35:14 +0000

elizabeth: Dear Oprah – How are you? How is camp? I watch all your reruns on TV now and I figure you are off somewhere making ceramic ashtrays or my personal favorite which was the dreaded chapel veil that the dreaded nuns made us make. I think it was for the missionaries. All I know is that I never mastered the fine art of sewing without stabbing myself and taking the Lord’s name in vain. Oh, yeah. The nuns loved me. Feelings were mutual. So I am thinking after you made something for your entire staff in your arts and crafts class (I would like a toothbrush holder) that the issue of putting us on the cover of O would come up again. And again. And again.

Laurie: Are you saying we have to wear a veil if we’re on the cover of O? Or dress as nuns? I already have a marvelous yellow outfit picked out to go with my make-me-look-skinny jeans. But if Oprah wants me to be a nun, what the hell? Oops, make that what the heck.

elizabeth: I am sure the true spirit at camp this year is about learning to share. I heard Bill Gates was in your leadership for camp counselors’ class and that your pal Julia Roberts took CPR classes with the cast of Glee. So if I need to contact them about helping us get on the cover, I will gladly sell my Four H trophies to show them that I mean business.

Laurie: What do the four H’s stand for? Hot, hazy, humid and hallucinating? My best friend Oprah doesn’t need no stinkin’ camp. Her whole life is a camp and a beach and whatever else she wants it to be. And it’s all probably in one of her many front yards. We’re here when you need us, Oprah!

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.

Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Coaching for the Creative Soul

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The Coaches on the Edge have the foods to elevate your moods. Just don’t tell anybody in the diet industry.

Coaches on the Edge — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 13:04:59 +0000

elizabeth: I don’t want anyone to think that I harbor any ill will towards the famers in this country or in the world for that matter. It’s just that alfalfa sprouts have never done anything to soothe a bitchy mood. And beets do not lead the pack when your man or woman has done you wrong. The only thing beets are good for is staining your good white shirt. Do thoughts of baby organic carrots with a side of humus come to mind as a way to forget that the blouse cost a week’s salary? And if you are spending a week’s salary on a blouse – please adopt me. I won’t eat much.

Laurie: So you’re not buying the health and nutrition theory that eating good food makes you feel good? OK, well I’m the first one to tout the benefits of mashed potatoes and macaroni & cheese all in the same meal. Maybe some biscuits on the side. My gluten-intolerant friends have passed out by now.

elizabeth: Headaches – a lot more people are getting brain thumpers because the humidity is so bloody high this summer. On days like this when I can’t see a damn thing because my eyebrows are sweating into my eyes, I sit myself down and dig into a enormous bowl of romaine lettuce. And then I give it to neighborhood dogs so they can bury it. What works for a headache? A big plate of a homemade pie with a chunk of cheddar cheese on it (so that is compliments the red wine you are downing at a great neck pace), chocolate sauce melting into the crust and enough whipped cream to bathe in. I am feeling better already.

Laurie: I’m not sure about the cheddar cheese but is there any headache better than an ice-cream headache? Worth every shooting brain pain that enters your head. It’s so good that, even when you know it’s coming, you still keep shoveling in the frozen delight until you reach your pain threshold. Then you wait until it subsides, and do it all over again. How cool is that?

elizabeth: Hung Over – Okay, so maybe a little too much wine with the pie has left you with a lawn of fuzz growing inside your mouth. Your mother must be so proud. So can a bowl of Kasha cereal with a double handful of raisins do anything to make you feel more human? Please. On mornings like this only half of a red velvet cake along with a side of well done home fries and bacon can make you feel the life force pulsing through your veins again. An apple with yogurt would only go bad and then join up with a gang. It could get ugly.

Laurie: I’m not much of an alcohol consumer but I have been know to down enough Diet Pepsis in one day to caffeine-accelerate my computer without turning it on.

elizabeth: Feeling out of Sorts – Now this is when you take your mood out on yourself or anyone who walks by you. You know who you are. Sometimes we don’t know why we are so down, but a chopped salad certainly won’t help – look at it. It’s been chopped to pieces by an angry chef. You wanna eat that? No amount of blue cheese will drown out the cries of the vegetables. But a dozen deep fried donuts with a half a gallon of double fudge brownie ice cream sandwiched between two pepperoni pizzas would be just what the mood doctor ordered. I like this modern women’s repast because afterwards I take comfort in knowing that I have not stuck a fork in anyone to see if they are done.

Laurie: I’m done!

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.

Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Coaching for the Creative Soul

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Coaches on the Edge Ask To Smoke or Not to Smoke? What’s the Answer?

Coaches on the Edge — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 09:32:36 +0000

Laurie: Someone just slipped a three-page Smoke-Free Household Survey under my door. Seems like my building is going smoke free. No easy endeavor with 1600+ apartments in the complex, but they are going to give it a try anyway. By July 22^nd we are all supposed to cough up (yeah, I had to do it) information about ourselves and our family members and their smoking habits. Declare your inability to break your filthy, disgusting, health-destroying addiction to cigarettes, and you will be benevolently grandfathered in (as a loser who can’t kick the habit I guess). But if you’re just moving in, forget about it. Not only can’t you as an individual smoke, but you may as well send “See ya!” cards to your smoking friends. They won’t even be allowed to light up on the balconies. I feel footprints all over my rights.

elizabeth: Don’t know how I feel about this. It does smack of Big Brother peeking into people’s apartments and telling them what to do or not do. I was a smoker for a long time, and it was so hard to stop and then you start over again and you feel guilt ridden and then you try to stop again. And so on and so on. I finally gave it up about six years ago at a hypnosis session in a hotel with about 200 people. Men had to wear a metal reinforced cup until my bitchiness subsided a bit. About a week ago.

But I loved to smoke. It was an extension of my hand and it was always good to wave it around when making a point (or threatening someone) or you could grab one and think about what you wanted to say or do. I don’t care what anyone says – it did calm me down during some tense situations. But I made the decision to stop. Because I wasn’t going to let some fat cats who own tobacco farms take away my life. When I go, I want to decide how – in the afterglow with some young stud muffin works for me. Okay one with bad eyesight because I would like to be really old. Not older than graveyard dirt, but close.

Laurie: I’m not in favor of smoking. I’m thrilled that I finally kicked the habit (no more treks Down-South and to Indian reservations) and couldn’t afford to fall off the wagon if I wanted to. Cigarettes in New York have tipped a whopping $10 a pack I believe. But this further emphasizes my concern. Cigarettes are still on sale and available in every State of the Union. So if they are that bad for my health, will slay my friends and family with their second-hand smoke in one fell swoop, and are linked to every disease known to humankind, why can I still pick up a pack at my local Korean deli? In a city where gas fumes from taxis and busses rule the congested roads, to regulate smoking in my apartment seems a bit silly. To attempt to regulate my health seems a bit illegal. Granted, the insurance companies do it all the time but my apartment building? Nonetheless, I will say a little prayer of gratitude that I no longer smoke, meet my smoking friends at nonsmoke-free buildings, and avoid the wrath of the Smoke Detection Police when they show up at my door. And I guess I’ll try to convince myself that this is “for my own good,” just like my mother used to tell me when I wasn’t allowed to do something. I never believed her.

elizabeth: So as much as I know that smoking is a killer looking for its next victim, I still feel we can’t tell people what to do. I can really see them trying to get kids to not start, and if you are going to try to restrict this self destructive behavior – give people a guaranteed way to stop and make it reasonable so people can afford it. I think $11 a pack might make some people stop so that they don’t end up homeless. But telling people they can’t get an apartment because they smoke – what’s next? Twinkies addicts, soda sippers and liverwurst lovers (talk about something needing to be banned) being thrown out into the streets?

I had a neighbor on 89^th Street in Manhattan who left me notes about my smoking. This was from a woman who had really loud sex a lot of the time. So maybe she didn’t smoke after sex, but after listening to her escapades, having a cigarette seemed like the polite thing to do. As opposed to me going out and picking up a male hooker for myself.

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.

Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Coaching for the Creative Soul

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Coaches on the Edge to be on the Cover of O Magazine. Week 34.

Coaches on the Edge — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 11:34:40 +0000

Laurie: Week 34, Oprah. Can you believe that a mere 34 weeks ago Coaches on the Edge started their quest to be on the cover of O magazine? Pretty impressive tenacity if you ask me. Now I don’t want to criticize, but just as impressive as 34 weeks of begging/cajoling/manipulating are, so is the bewilderment of a lack of response from you. No one can be that resolved to ignore 34 wildly clever, slightly brown-nosy, and always polite attempts to win you over to our point of view.

elizabeth: Rome wasn’t built in a day. The heat must be getting to me because I don’t like silly little expressions like this. Could Rome have been built in a day? I think not. So I think 34 weeks is not that bad considering that the Roman Empire did fall and we are still stranding. Albeit sweating and feeling like a couple of dish rags. Not to self: come up with less unappealing visuals about the coaches.

Laurie: If you’re concerned about not truly knowing us, I will bet that none of your guests submitted 34 individual, straight-from-the-heart requests to be on your show. And we’re not even talking show. We don’t need to have our say; we’ll be satisfied with a picture. No words will be necessary because we’ve already used them up in our thus-far-ignored requests. I don’t mean to sound cranky – maybe it’s this ridiculous heat – but 34 is a mighty big number. 34 – Open the Door. 35 – Stop all the Jive. 36 – Take our Pix. 37 – We would be in Heaven. Don’t make me go to 38, Mate.

elizabeth: Good grief. Now she is rhyming. Somebody throw some cold water on Laurie. Maya Angelou she ain’t.

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.

Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Coaching for the Creative Soul

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Coaches on the Edge Are Taking the Glut out of Gluten.

Coaches on the Edge — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 13:53:36 +0000

Laurie: Confession: I can be intolerant. I am fully aware that my friends are rolling their eyes and asking “What else is new?” But if you question the power of a blog, I am living proof that sometimes life-altering views can be stimulated by the words of a blogger. I’m a believer that health afflictions come in fads. RLS (restless leg syndrome), ADD (attention deficit disorder), peanut allergies, and gluten intolerance (so new and cool, it doesn’t even have its own set of initials to identify it) seem to be the “in” diseases of the new millennium. And I am not so heartless to pooh-pooh them, but I have more than once questioned their validity as I suffered through a waiter being grilled by a concerned patron about what knife touched food and where the olive oil comes from. And yes, I thought it was a tad over the top. But then I read a blog by a dear friend who wrote about Celiac Sprue and how she was forced to deal with it, and even more importantly, deal with the way people responded to her disease. And the light shone on my intolerant self.

elizabeth: My eyes are still rolled back into my head – one of my cats is writing this. I think if one has some medical condition that is as familiar to us like cancer or as new as gluten intolerance, we should just be thankful that we don’t have to deal with it personally, but we do have to deal with someone who does with compassion. And you know, something will get all of us. So if someone’s life has been knocked down by some ailment that falls into the category of the unfamiliar, we should keep our impatience about how people handle their lives to ourselves. No, I take that back. We should take a look at ourselves and why we are reacting like that. These people did nothing wrong. They got sick and are trying to live their lives the best they can. So ask away how foods are prepared.

Laurie: So I don’t want to say that I won’t be embarrassed when my friends torture a waiter about the origin of every piece of food on their plate. I will definitely be concerned that the cook and the waiter are back in the kitchen spitting on all the entrees before bringing them out. But I will also respect the reason why this is necessary and grudgingly accept that until skeptics like me are convinced that this is a serious disease, the need to over-react is valid. If you’d like to read the blog that started this blog, click here: http://ronniburns.wordpress.com/ .

elizabeth: Maybe your friend should tell the wait staff that they have some food allergies that could be harmful to them. Take it out of the closet.

BTW – when I go out for breakfast with someone (who will remain nameless) I do have certain ways I would like my eggs prepared and I do request that they don’t run off the plate. And I get what I want and need. So should your friend and anyone with Celiac Sprue.

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.

Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Coaching for the Creative Soul

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Coaches on the Edge say, “Mel Gibson, We Hardly Knew You.”

Coaches on the Edge — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 09:41:10 +0000

elizabeth: The news about Mel Gibson and his allegedly foul and revolting behavior cannot be avoided. If you are living in a cave, the news will make its way to you. And I, for one, find it upsetting that the network and the cheesy “news” programs are all over this like it is V-Day in Europe. I feel like I am watching a man setting himself on fire and he doesn’t know it.

Laurie: Melted cheese, a network ratings favorite.

elizabeth: Mel – what the hell happened? I was a big fan of yours. Okay, you were one fine looking man with a mischievous smile that could lure most women into your lair. Plus, you were a damn good actor. Didn’t always agree with your movie choices, but I stayed home and respected your freedom to make those movies. You are now at the gates of hell and a lot of people want to administer that final shove. What the hell happened?

Laurie: I’m not sure why everyone is so aghast about Mel’s latest rant. Is he not the same lovely Mel who blamed all the problems of the Universe on the Jews when he was arrested for drunk and disorderly behavior last year? Oh, you want me to buy the excuse that he was drunk and knew not what he said? Fat chance. His drink wasn’t spiced with anti-Semitism. Clues, there were clues all along. The Passion of the Christ, anyone?

elizabeth: Was this vile behavior and propensity to violence always present? Did his people hide it from the millions of fans? Obviously. Someone said he is bi-polar. Let’s just say this is not the behavior of a normal man and this is a good thing. There would be a lot of male carcasses littering the countryside if that was the case.

Laurie: Unfortunately, if he follows through on his threats, the carcass would be female.

elizabeth: Since most of us are not living cloistered lives, we have heard all the words that can’t show up on TV, radio, print or the Internet. Not unless you **** it or mute it out. But there was this one sound bite of Mel’s that contains perhaps the word that ranks right up with the “N” word. The holy grail of offensive insults towards women. All I have to say with this bloody mess going on is – was it really, really necessary to include that one? We all know that Mel Gibson is sick of mind and soul and needs a lot of help or jail time/rehab to reclaim his life. But you had to go use that little sound bite? Shock journalism wins over the respect that women deserve not to hear that word even if it is **** out. So many low lives. So little time for me to vent.

Laurie: Let’s see how detrimental this will be to his career. Granted, he has become an equal-opportunity racist, and perhaps this will finally win the disapproval of the American and World public. If he gets away with this one (like he did the last one), I think we are all doomed to worship at the feet of celebrities no matter how badly they behave.

elizabeth: I guess what makes me feel a little sick is if this Mel Gibson is mentally unbalanced then why the hell did no one help him? Don’t rock the cash cow, eh? And now Hollywood is saying “no thanks” to Mel Gibson. What a bunch of freaking money whores. It would be nice to see Gibson face the music and get help without this self righteous mob acting like a bunch of Mother Teresas.

Laurie: Darling, we don’t help – we watch. And Mr. Gibson has more than enough money to continue his career without the assistance of the Hollywood crowd. The cash cow can rock on all by itself.

elizabeth: Maybe Mel and Lindsay Lohan can get their own realty show. Call it, “What to Wear When Watching People Self Implode?”

Laurie: Good grief, don’t give them any ideas!

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.

Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Coaching for the Creative Soul

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Coaches on the Edge to be on the Cover of O Magazine. Week 33.

Coaches on the Edge — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 22:31:55 +0000

“Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.” Guess who?

elizabeth: Oprah, that is one great quote. I like looking at myself as a queen – queen of my own destiny. Granted I don’t have any men servants and my castle lacks the room to feed 300 serfs at a time, but I am in charge of all that is around me. So Oprah, I see in my future being on the cover of our fabulous magazine, O. I have the perfect queen name for it and rest assure I won’t be wearing matronly, sensible shoes like some queens, who shall remain nameless, do.

Laurie: If that’s the case, and you know I would never question Winfrey Wisdom, I’m so far up in the sky I’ll need a parachute to get down to greatness. Like my least favorite expression in the world – “it’s a learning experience” (to which I always reply “When’s recess?”) – I think this is stuff you say to yourself to get you through tough times. Luckily I’m a person who believes that you can choose your reaction (whether I am successful in this endeavor is a whole other question but I do believe you can) so I’ll add that to my hanging-on-by-my-fingernails pep talk.

elizabeth: I get the idea that failure is a stepping stone to greatness, but could we just bypass failure and just jump into the pool of queendom. Now that could be a great cover shot. Water-proof mascara, anyone?

Laurie: Let’s just hope we don’t get our Oprah call in the winter months. Soggy woolen mittens just can’t be made attractive.

2010, Coaches on the Edge ™

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.

Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Coaching for the Creative Soul

Please visit our new site at Coaches on the Edge

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Coaches on the Edge are looking forward by looking backwards in their personal side view mirror. Are memories closer than they appear?

Coaches on the Edge — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 14:25:53 +0000

elizabeth: Last week I got a Facebook notice to “like” a page a friend had set up. I clicked on the link to say I “like it” and I saw this face and name in her friends group that transported me back to when I was in my 20s and living in San Francisco. My boyfriend at the time had a brother who was married to that red-headed woman I will call Ms. X (a fake name to protect me). I looked at her picture and thought about the different journeys we went on after we both broke up with the brothers. We did live a few block from each other in Manhattan. But we rarely saw each other because I thought she was living the more glamorous life. And I was entering my sullen-poetess-and-stand-up-comic phase. And dating guys whose faces I could never pick out of a crowd. I think that had to do with dimly-lit bars and becoming dim-witted after a half dozen Southern Comforts. See, Laurie, I did embrace some southern things.

Laurie: I embraced lots of southern things too, most of them men – well, boys almost about to become men.

elizabeth: I think I would like to remember my long haired-boyfriend and me as a couple of crazy kids living in a nine-room flat with a couple of flat mates who liked to stroll around naked. I couldn’t do that but I encouraged and supported it. And I am comfortable knowing that the time spent in San Francisco still feels unspoiled and innocent. So it needs to stay back there. I don’t think it could survive today.

Laurie: That’s so sweet. You want your teen years to remain innocent. Man, I am glad I escaped mine alive. As a lover of living on the edge, I look back and thank the Universe that I am still around to shake my head wonder “What the hell was I thinking?”

elizabeth: Good old Facebook (hey, Twitter, you’re not looking too good right now) showed up again this weekend with another flashback. A friend of over 30 years emailed me to tell me that she saw a mutual “party our butts off” friend over the weekend. Turns out it was for their high school reunion. Her class had what I foolishly considered the cream of the crop when it came to sweet talking, reefer happy hippie boys. But most of those young men I knew became disillusioned with life early on and that lead me to run away to the west coast. I didn’t want to be left behind where the best that I could ever hope to be was when I was 19.

And so far it is working because I still have all my facilities (regardless of what Laurie might say). And a place where long haired boys can rest and know that I rarely think of them as bloated men with three stands of hair who still think that The Beatles will reunite for one last tour.

Laurie: I know what you mean, girlfriend. As a birthday present, I implored my husband to take me to a Neil Diamond concert. And I kept noticing that all the people there were “middle-aged.” I wondered what on earth these “old fogies” were doing at Madison Square Garden on the same night as me, and suddenly I realized that some of them were probably my age. I was thoroughly bummed for a couple of songs, but I eventually took solace in the fact that the young people knew all the words. I pretended I was a part of their group and let the old folks do their thing. Totally delusional and not a drug in sight.

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.

Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Coaching for the Creative Soul

Please visit our new site at Coaches on the Edge

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Coaches on the Edge Say Bet You Don’t Have A Hallmark Card For This One.

Coaches on the Edge — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 13:40:04 +0000

Laurie: Last year on my birthday my seventeen-year-old nephew killed himself. I’m sure he really didn’t consider that he would be altering my birthday for the rest of my life, but of course that’s what happened. And even worse, his step-mother was born on the same day as I was. Finding a card for this occasion is going to be damn near impossible. No one has a clue what was in the head of this handsome, popular, getting-ready-for-college, Soccer superstar with two girlfriends. And try as I might, I can’t find any redeeming lessons from this one. Just sadness that will always linger and a multitude of lives that changed forever on that day.

elizabeth: Scientists say that when people decide to end their lives that a part of the brain shuts down and another part takes over. I believe that. Because if people knew how their untimely and violent deaths would impact the lives of others, they would be horrified that they ever consider suicide as an option. The only way I can deal with the people I loved that ended their own lives is the belief that the world was just too hard for them – that they were too fragile a soul to stay any longer. It sounded like your nephew had everything to live for and that is what makes it seem all the more heartbreaking is that he would end a promising future. But we really don’t know what goes on in a person’s heart and soul. Our pain may be manageable. Theirs just wasn’t.

Laurie: I have a burning need to have things make sense. Surely there must be a lesson to be learned, a message of guidance, an omen, a warning, something. In my younger days I took solace in the fact that I was gleaning information and wisdom through unexplainable events that would eventually reveal itself. And as I get older, I realize that I have more questions than answers. I am almost resolved that this is the way it is but I still burn for explanations and a sense of order. I need to feel that all is right with the Universe. So I make peace with the unfathomable reality by assuring myself that when I die there will be a big answer board in the sky. I’ll send you a sign to let you know if I was right.

elizabeth: I think one answer is that we have no choice but to go on, forgive the person and try on the new normal. When people asked how I survived a near fatal car accident, when my friend was asked how she could survive the death of her 12 year old, and when my friend’s partner died of AIDS and was asked how can he go on – our answer was simply – what is the alternative?

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.

Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Coaching for the Creative Soul

Coaches on the Edge are wondering if Bullying and Suicides are replacing Reading and Writing in our Schools. Phoebe Prince and her family came to this country looking...
Coaches on the Edge Are Taking the Glut out of Gluten. Laurie: Confession: I can be intolerant. I am fully aware...

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