A man’s jeans are washed in hot water, dried on very high heat and then zip right up. With a woman’s pair of jeans, they must be washed in ice cold water, line dried and then the jeans must be pulled up by using the jaws of life while an exorcism is being performed. When it doesn’t work (and it never does), you jeopardize getting 10 points off your driver’s license for driving without benefit of jeans. Telling the officer that your dog ate your jeans does not work. I tried.

Your husband buys a new vacuum (because you won’t be caught buying appliances that don’t resemble a flat iron) and after he does a test run (forgetting that there is space under the bed where dastardly things congregate) he mutters something about it being a gift for you! You end up losing sleep, debating whether to smother him with his own pillow as he dreams about being held captive by an army of dust bunnies whose leader is Jennifer Lopez. Go with 2 pillows. It’s quicker.

Some people from the west coast feel the need to make fun of us eastcoasters because we only experienced a 5.9 earthquake. You guys are just so tough, aren’t you? Read More→