I would like to say that Part 1 was such an enormous success that doing Part 2 is a no-brainer. I would like to say that, but I can’t. I am on this honesty trip and I do hope it derails soon so I can go back to lying like a rug. 

Or like a politician. Why do people bother to become politicians? Everybody pretty much hates them. To me, it would be like wanting to go back to grade school so that the creepy kid Al could chase me down the hall and then pounce on me and knock the wind out of me. He’d then just leave me there so Loretta and Maddia could spit on me. Yes, I am going back as soon as I can. I just hope they are all sharing a cell with a politician. They deserve each other.

Why am I the only person in the universe who regularly attends a Zen meditation group where the teacher does not like me? I don’t snore during meditation (or any other time if you are keeping track), I have never kicked anyone while they were reaching Nirvana and I never questioned whether Buddha should be attending a Weight Watchers’ meeting. I am a really nice person who is just looking for two hours a week where she can slow down her breathing. What would Siddhārtha Gautama do?

I was walking out of a store recently and a woman walked past me and said, “love you.” I thought it was so nice and I said “love you, too.” And she looked at me as if I had carrots growing out of the top of my head. Next time that happens, I will just make the person a salad.

Neon green and pink are some of the hot colors for summer. I am not sure I want to be picked up by Google Earth unless there is dinner and dancing involved.

Arizona just passed a law (I know they are a bunch of jokesters…right?) that pregnancy starts two weeks before conception. Yes, I know. Please read it again. That would make my birthday May 15^th which means I would not be a Gemini. So I want to ask Arizona’s Republican Governor Jan Brewer - what am I supposed to do with all my other personalities? They are waiting for an answer before we all move to Europe because this is becoming a very hostile place for women.

This is the God’s honest truth. I got this email from Emily: I hope you are in atmosphere of peace and love. It was very great to me when i found your contact in my searching for a responsible and reliable person to have a good friendship with and I found a great spark in my heart despite that I have not seen you in person, but there was a feeling that really gave me a nice pleasure to communicate with you and see how the sun will shines like, I am looking for someone who is comfortable around children.

Dear Emily, I hate kids. The sun has gone in and my check for $10,000 would bounce.  All my best, The peace and love bitch.

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Laurie: There are some States that just seem to keep needing help.  Take poor Louisiana.  As I writes thousands of gallons of smarmy oil are oozing their way to the coasts of this still-not-recuperated-from-Hurricane-Katrina land.  Of course States in the Gulf of Mexico will be affected but Louisiana is expected to get the brunt of the oil mishap as it enters the bayous.  And forget about the 25% of the seafood industry that comes from the coast of Louisiana – that business is over.  Maybe they can start a new one where baby ducks are washed in Dawn dish detergent.

elizabeth: You mix indifference, greed, and Mother Nature and you wonder why these disasters continue to happen.  As an animal lover, I feel for the animals that will have to die because a certain company didn’t react fast enough. And for the 11 families whose loved ones never made it home again when the oil rig blew up. After a while money is just a band-aid.  A is for apathy.

Laurie: I may be prejudiced but New York City is also worthy of a few extra bucks.  We all know about the devastation of September 11, 2001, and efforts to keep the city safe continue.  Recently some unsmart person parked a SUV in the middle of the Theatre District packed with explosives that failed to detonate.  The fool put on his hazard lights and left the keys in the ignition.  Yes, it’s almost asking for trouble to have the biggest New Year’s Eve celebration in Times Square or the largest Thanksgiving Day Parade or the most elaborate subway system in the world but that’s what makes New York City the greatest city in the universe – Attitude.  Yeah, try to stop us.  So ferget about Albany, no one is interested in bombing anything there.  Send the money to New York City.

elizabeth: New York is like the beautiful woman everyone wants a piece of. They either want to kiss her fully on her lips or suck the life out of her because they can’t really have her. As a proud native, you can’t kill New York. You can’t kill our chutzpah.  You can’t put a price on our spirit.  Now, I wouldn’t mind an apartment with high ceilings, a doorman and a rooftop pool.

Laurie: And Arizona what can we say.  You need money to drag your sorry ass into the 21^st Century.  Why are you the last one to follow the lead?  The birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr. became a national holiday without you.  Daylight savings time takes place without your participation (you really are screwing up all the time zones with that one).  And the rest of the United States will not be stopping “foreigners” to see if they are of legal status.  So let’s send a little of the funds to Arizona; we can call it the Undumb Fund.

elizabeth: I know the universe was looking out for me when I decided not to move to Arizona.  For all the spiritual and beautiful landscapes it possesses within its borders, it forgot to ask for a soul to go with it all.  I am boycotting my turquoise jewelry until that state remembers that this country was built by foreigners and that most of us just that – foreigners who call the U.S. their home.

© 2010, Coaches on the Edge ™

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.

Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Branching Out Life Coaching

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