Laurie:  I hope I’m not going to get my citizenship revoked.  This may even be considered an international   insult but I am going to risk it   anyway.  I am not watching the Olympics this year.  Okay, pick yourself up off the floor and listen to my reasoning.  I was pretty sure that I didn’t want to see more snow after the repeated blizzards that have hit the East Coast recently.  And watching people ski down a hill is not my idea of big thrills.  So I was already wavering on my patriotic duty.  My first clue was when I kept nodding off during the Opening Ceremonies.  And then the death of luger Nodar Kumaritashvili put me right over the edge.

elizabeth: I think your status of being a nearly brilliant woman might be revoked first for watching “America’s Next Top Model” before they flog you for boycotting the Olympics. Or at least N.O.W. might not renew your membership.  I called ahead to let them know about your little secret obsession.

 I am with you 100% about the opening ceremonies. They made it just boring enough that I feel asleep and missed all the good stuff. And of course, the people in my TV were not willing to share it after the fact. We’ll give you 3-5 seconds of what you missed. No more. So I don’t know really what I missed. Except for those huge phallic symbols at the end that must have forgotten to take their Olympic-sized Viagra. I think the world felt sorry for poor Wayne Gretzky who looked like he was wishing he was any place but there.

 Laurie:  How much does the average American Joe or Josephina need to meet their “entertainment” requirements?  Grab a bucket of fried chicken, pop open a few beers, and settle into the couch to watch athletes that have circumvented their natural childhoods so they can practice ridiculous stunts that risk their lives.  Are you amused yet?  Well, if you are, then we’ll just have to try harder next year.  Niney-five miles an hour (an illegal speed limit in any state of the Union) hurtling down an ice scoop was doable this year?  Well next year we’ll be into the 100’s.  And if you manage to survive this and come in first without ripping off a limb, we will give you a shiny medal on a big fat ribbon.  Oh yeah, and if you happen to die, we will blame it on your athletic inadequacies.

 elizabeth: Watching someone fly down a mountain and staying in control can be awe inspiring. Hey, I am for anything that will get people off their butts and taking a chance or trying something new. For the ones who just eat and watch and eat some more, well the grim reaper will be knocking on their door soon enough.

 Laurie:  Yes, I love the fact that countries come together from all over the world and for two weeks or so political, social and economic differences are forgotten.  But I question our definition of “hero.”  You skated around a frozen pond really fast.  Hero?  I would much rather see that medal go to one of the doctors who flew down to Haiti on his/her own dime to help out earthquake victims.  Or how about a teacher who made an entire class of children realize that bullying was neither an acceptable nor admirable action?  Granted, neither can probably slam dunk a basketball into a suspended net while wearing fancy sneakers, but in the scheme of real life, who cares?

 elizabeth: Israel and Iran stood nearly together at the opening and that gets one to think about how can we take two weeks and turn that into two months, two years and so on. Maybe each time the Olympics show up and hold the world’s attention, well, maybe some young kid who took up skiing because of his hero just might come up with a plan to bring the world’s people together. Because he stared down a mountain and felt invincible and believed that anything was possible.

 © 2010, Coaches on the Edge ™

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.

Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Branching Out Life Coaching

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Laurie: NFL Journeyman (wonder what the heck that is?) Paul Shirley recently wrote an article (yep, he put it in writing) about why he wasn’t giving one red cent to Haiti. He explained that he wasn’t sure his money would be put to good use. Would they build hurricane/earthquake resistant structures to protect themselves for the future disasters that will probably follow the weary-worn path to Haiti? He recommended that they stop building shanties and build some buildings that could withstand weather gone awry. He also recommended that they use condoms so there wouldn’t be so many people to dig out of the rubble. Yes, he did!

elizabeth: I heard about this today and this fool is one big jackass. Too bad his father didn’t use a condom when he was bedding down with the old lady. They showed a picture of him with his hands stretched out like he was going “so big,” and he is a right – he is so big a moron that words almost fail me. I would love to use his picture in an ad for birth control with the caption “Don’t let one of these into your family. It will destroy your family tree.”

Laurie: If anyone thinks Shirley showed great wisdom and compassion, raise your hands. I didn’t think so. I’m sure the vote would be unanimous if we asked who thought he was a moron, but it got me to thinking (uh oh!). If we are going to ask people to part with their money, how much right does that give them to voice an opinion? Should we only take money from those who agree with our understanding of how the world works? Or does a donation that may have caused great sacrifice and inconvenience for the donor and his/her family justify an opinion, no matter how divisive and racist?

elizabeth: I honestly don’t think that the money will be used to buy cheap booze, day glow condoms and Twinkies. Like millions around the world, I donated money to an organization that will spend the money for meds so that all the people that we failed to help hours after the earthquake will get some badly needed care. I am not worried that my money will be going for four-star dinners for the president of Haiti. Maybe this fool who won’t be doing commentaries for ESPN anymore could volunteer his services down there. And maybe one of those homes that are still standing can collapse on his big stupid head.

Laurie: It is too bad that there isn’t a Pulitzer Prize for the Most Stupid Comment of the Year. So many candidates to choose from. And Shirley was extremely stupid, if for no other reason than to put his thoughts into writing. But does that mean ESPN gets to fire him? What was the cause – being stupid or having an opinion that didn’t agree with the current national sentiment? And if Shirley gets fired, then I want to see pink slips reigning down on Pat Robertson’s obviously-empty head. Unless we really believe that natural disasters are God’s punishment on the unworthy. Shirley’s firing could be the start of something big.

elizabeth: Did you hear that Paul Shirley is Pat Robertson’s secret lover? Pass it on.

© 2010, Coaches on the Edge ™

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.
Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Branching Out Life Coaching

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elizabeth: Big news the other day. Some sports jock wants to supply Haiti with condoms, and Elizabeth Edwards has left her husband,  former presidential candidate John Edwards. I hate dumb jocks so I will stay with the Elizabeth Edwards exit. I think everyone is going to have an opinion on this, and the only opinion that really matters is Elizabeth’s. I think this is nobody’s damn business, and when I read or hear news like this, I am glad and saddened that I will never ever run for office. You are never going to know certain things about me no matter who much Laurie tries to interview my friends and family members. I am also not the mother of three children, the mother who lost a son way too soon or the woman who has a death sentence around her head. Husband cheating – big whoop. She is dying folks and you want to know if her husband is cheating? How about wondering if she can cheat death?

Laurie: If you have vision of 20/80 or less, I will sort of believe that you didn’t know that John Edwards was the Baby Daddy. The only other clue besides having almost all of his weasel features would have been if she was born with “J.D.” stamped on her forehead.

elizabeth: I get that and turning a blind eye will only make the truth harder to bear. But Elizabeth had a bigger battle to fight. Infidelity is a scratched knee in comparison to the body slam she received. She is fighting for her life. If her husband wants to share his sperm with another woman, quite honestly I would feel so betrayed but he has made his bed without her. Can you imagine the pressure that she must be under and then you throw in an unfaithful husband? Leave her the hell alone.

Laurie: I personally think it’s too late to leave with dignity. We’re talking after Elizabeth went on television and said that America needed her husband to lead the country. We’re talking after the Barbara Walters’ interview where she said “Whether the child is John’s or not has nothing to do with our marriage.” So why are you heading out now? We’re talking after you said you didn’t have a clue what Johnny Boy was up to. A little difficult to believe that you have suddenly reached your limit.

elizabeth: Until we are a politician’s spouse, we have no idea what they are forced to say. Maybe she was trying to protect her children. Maybe she was sitting there with her middle finger standing at attention when Barbara Walters asked the “important” questions. Maybe she was working to get things in order before she could leave.

Laurie: We’re always ranting and raving about how women who dally with other women’s husbands are bringing down womankind and setting them back light-years on all the advances that have been made. Well, how about we give wives a little bit of credit? They know. They are intuitive, they can tell when their husbands are acting out of the usual pattern, and they choose when to reveal that they know. Elizabeth knew, but I think her ambition out ruled her dignity. Never a more sympathetic candidate has there been and how admirable that you wanted to leave your children with a father who had attained the position of President of the United States. I wish you well and pray for your health, but stop including the American public in this stupid façade. We already think your husband is despicable; stop defending him and telling us lies. This party is over.

elizabeth: I think the fact that she has left him speaks volumes. Sorry, your wife has terminal cancer. Should have kept your willy in your pants.   I won’t even address the mother of this small child who is always going to be known for her father’s bad, bad, bad behavior. And to think, I used to believe in him. Fool me once.

© 2010, Coaches on the Edge ™

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys. 
Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Branching Out Life Coaching

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Laurie: Oprah, usually on Wednesdays we summon up the gods and pray for a resounding “Of course!” response to our weekly begging to be on the cover of your illustrious magazine.  Again Coaches on the Edge are asking their fans to begin praying, but this week we would like to forward our prayers to the people of Haiti.  May they find the courage, resiliency, spirit and determination to survive yet another disaster to their country.  Let your prayers go to sustain and protect the people of Haiti physically, mentally and spiritually. 

elizabeth: The events of the last eight days in Haiti have been almost indescribable, and I hope the aid reaches the thousands of people who need it. Like last week. The faces of despair on the old and the very young will stay with us for a very long time.

People around the world have donated much, and to those of you who are still thinking about it  – the $5 to $10 you donate today could give a child a chance to make a difference in our world tomorrow because they survived with your help.  A nickel’s worth of antibiotics can stop an infection from taking a life.  Be diligent about organizations that have nothing to do with helping the people of Haiti.  Please do your homework.

Why is it only in times of great tragedy that Democrats and Republicans come together to work? Former Presidents Bill Clinton and George W Bush are spearheading a foundation to raise money for Haiti. Bring that feeling of being one back to our shores when you get a chance.

And Oprah, my husband said if you wanted to go to Haiti to help out that I could go with you. He can tell that I feel a bit helpless but our prayers and donations can and will do some great work also.

And we’ll be back with our self-absorbed and never-ending quest to appear on the cover of O Magazine next week.

© 2010, Coaches on the Edge ™

If you would like to learn more about Laurie, please go to her site: Empowered Life Journeys.

Stop by at elizabeth’s site at: Branching Out Life Coaching

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